Losing weight is a constant battle and it is tied in with my pain journey.

Monday of this week I recieved shots in my neck and shoulder. Its left me in a bit of pain and my neck and shoulder are more tender than normal. I rescheduled PT and went in last night. We worked on my neck because thats the main point at the moment. The weight loss and doing other excercises are on me at home for the moment because PT really needs to be about manipulating my neck.

I have an excercise ball, which I do use, but not enough. On our Cable systeeeeemhave 10 min workouts which I am suppose to be able access.

At the moment the basemt is a mess, but sitting in the garage is a stepper, a bicycle, a ab machine thing, and something else. I am going to work on getting the basement cleaned up and put together so we can set up all the qquiptment, put rubber pads on the floor and use it as a work out room/playroom. I have a table for the kids train set that needs to be set back up so Jack can use it before he grows to far for it.

So as the pain subsides for my neck, I want to get the basement cleaned out. I found the total gym and want one of those. I also want an eliptical machine. Being able to watch tv while I work out, or doing it at home gives me no excuse. I just need to get it done. So thats the goal for the rest of the month. Work on making the baesment half work out and 1/4 toy room. LOL Of course, with entertainment. I could work out while I was watching tv shows. I totally could do that.

I also bought a new scale last night.

Ct weight :235

Goal weight: 180lb by end of year.

Pounds to loose :55

Months :5.5

Calories I can intake: 1200 daily

Total of 11 lbs a month to stay on goal.

Today I need to burn 280 calories by doing Cardio Workout.

i was in a good mood… but in a ton of pain when I woke up. Stiff and sore. Even my knee is hurting today. I dont know, nothings seemed to help.

Physical therapy yesterday was hard. Left hip is hurting and Sharon sent me over the roof in pain. The shot is wearing off, I can tell.  Dr R said I was hunched forward, but knew it was the weather… I then had PT which was hard. I mean it shouldnt hurt to have your therapist rub the base of your neck. I guess it was more than Icould handle.  Right now pain is just that.. and its like a knife.

The random pains in the middle of my head are getting more random, but the popping and pain from moving my neck up and to the side at thee same time has got to stop. Last night I was laying in bed and looked up at Doug and there it was… pain.  I had to take another pill. Im trying to NOT take them other than at night and with PT, but I cant get through the night it seems.

I also tried the stim machine on my neck, and It felt weird, but I was able to work today without problems, so thats actually better?  I accomplished work. Even with all the kids home.

Sweeping the floor was too much twisting, but I was able to vacuum without problems. I only did the area rug, the rest of the floors are hardwood.  I was up late last night working on real work too, and got a mock up done. So half good and half bad? I dont know where I am honestly. I know I am tired, i know I am stressed.. but Im scared of the pain coming back in my head more often so I dont do anything that could hurt me in anyway.  I sit up at the computer, I work to keep my posture up and bring my neck back. I even bought a roll pillow so I can work on that more. I just wish I could know I was safe I suppose.. confidence is not something I have.. Pain is something I do.

Friday I woke up with a migraine from hell. Doug was home all day, thank heavens. I threw up right away, and then got showered and went to the Chiro. I laid in the dark with an icepack on my eyes. The MT Sharon could feel how fucked up my neck was and how bad the migraine was. She left all the lights off and tried to give me some relief. Tried. Then Dr R adjusted and helped. My Shoulder was locked up and hard as a rock, that was taken care of as much as possible. I mean how much can he do? I had a bad migraine. I wanted to sleep. Thats what I wanted.

I came home, iced my head and went to bed. Doug was home all day. I would make attempts to drink something and take a pain pill and throw it up. All day and night this went on. Then finally I puked whatever it was left inside me, and pain started to ease up. I ate some chicken broth and took my night time pills and rotated ice packs all evening. I fell asleep and crashed. It was horrible. All day throwing up and taking showers.

I applied the new pain patch, as it had been 72 hours + and I was cranky when I woke up. Cranky and sore.  I headed to PT and had not eaten anything so I could not take the dilaudid or flexeril yet. I picked up a hot green tea at Starbucks and did my PT. My Left shoulder locked up and Jeff, the therapist had to stretch it out while I cringed. It was bad. I still have pain radiating down my neck into my shoulder as I sit here,  2 hours later. I also have since taken the dilaudid and the flexeril. Neither have helped with this pain.  My right side of the head is foggy pain. Not sharp pain like I get when I have these flare up attacks, but this is a nagging pain. Always there, just enough to remind you your in pain.

I have to make an attempt to get groceries in the house, as well as find some nap time. JD is home and I made plans to go with my mom to get Emaly sandals later. I need to keep that appt.

I did apply a patch to my shoulder area, the lidocaine one. It hasnt helped at all. I am not sure what the point is for that thing. They just sit there and hurt. Worst place today is my neck into the left shoulder. Its reminding me that I should lay down now.

Back in March Matthew kicked me in the chest while we attempted to restrain him. It was not intentional, but I havent been the same since.  First it was chest pain, which was a trip to the ER and a diagnosis of no broken bones, but a bruised chest wall.  Then I got sick and went to see my PCP Dr M. She put me on antibiotics and said I must have aspirated when he kicked me. I had pneumonia. Nasal sprays, antibiotics, pain killers and more. I was miserable. And it hurt to breathe. I spent Easter in bed, sicker than I had been with the Spinal Headache in October.

A second trip to the Er over the weekend led me to get pain meds that I had not asked for, but for the first time I was not in total pain. For the first time I could relax and breathe. I cried. I bawled. I had not felt that comfortable in 3 + years. Dilaudid.  The Dr took more Xrays and said the pneumonia was clearing up and I had more of an URI at the time and my chest wall was still pretty bruised up.  He told me I needed to talk with my PCP about the pain meds and the mixture I was on then. I was taking a lot of medications. I will write them all down here.

Vicoprofen  One every 6 hours. PCP perscribed.

Tramadol HCL. 50mg 2 tabs twice daily. Pain Specialist Perscribed.

Fiorcet Tabs 50/325/50. 1 every 4 to 6 hours for pain as needed. PCP Perscribed for migraines.

Inderall LA 60mg ER. Neurologist Perscribed for migraine pervention.

Tylenol 4 300/60. 1 tab every 4 hours. PCP perscibed.

Cataflam 50mg. 1 tablet 3 times daily. Pain Specialist Perscribed.

Zanaflex 4mg. 1 tab twice daily. Pain specialist perscribed.

Dalmane 30mg cap. 1 tab at bedtime. PCP Perscibed.

Flexeril 10mg. 1 tab at bedtime, had been reduced from 3xs daily. PCP Perscibed.

Flextor Patch 1.3%. 2 patches daily for 12 hours. Pain Specialist Prescribed.

Pepcid AC- OTC for heartburn and stomach issues from all the medications.

——————————– As of April 2008——————–

I had a follow up apt with my PCP and I rediscussed my concerns of all the medications I was taking, the fact that what I was on was not controlling the pain, and the only relief I got was when I was sedated. I was seeing a chiropractor this entire time as well, twice a week when I was well enough, and a massage therapist. I had also started Physical Therapy up until I had some personal female issues which led to a DNC and a biopsy. The biopsy was clean.  I had told her that the Dilaudid was given to me in the Er and I had wonderful relief from the pain. She was concerned it was a strong medication and explained it was used at the end of ones life. I asked her if there was a middle of the road med, something stronger than what I was on, but not 12 different medications. I was concerned of overdosing, dying or something. 12 medications at night was more than any one person who is internally organ wise healthy should be taking.

My PCP put me on Dilaudid. She walked in with a script, we traded in what I had been taking for the most part and started off on 2mg every 6 hours. I found that with the Dilaudid I could function and only needed to take it 2 to 3 times a day. I was getting back to life.

I saw her in 2 weeks and things were going well. I had one of my best days in 7 months. I walked down 3 flights of stairs. I restarted Physical therapy. My Chiropractor and I discussed this as a door that was given to us and we were going to run through it together.  And then I got hit with pain.

ON Wednesday I felt a pop in my left neck side. I called and made an apt with the Chiropractor on Thursday. I dislocated a rib. He was able to manipulate it back into place, with tears rolling down my face. I could barely breath. I knew things had changed, I was just not sure how much.

I got copies of all of my scans to discover they never did an MRI of my neck. I saw the Chiropractor again on Friday morning, and then had a full hour massage that afternoon. I couldnt stand up. If I looked up, I had sharp pains in my neck. if I looked left and up I would get dizzy and pass out. Things were horrible. Pain was out of control. I was going down hill fast.

That evening I went to my mothers and crashed on her couch. My husband called the paramedics and they took me by ambulance to the hospital.  I had a migraine which was worrisome since I couldn’t move my neck without pain. CT Scans, MRIs, Xrays, Bloodwork and pain meds. I was admitted.

The next 48 hours seem to be a blur. It was a 430am MRI, which I was on Valium for as well as the Dilaudid IV, and a hop off the table led me to hurt my left ankle. Still unsure of what I did to it, but they should not have had me walking on those medications.  I recieved shots in my left side of my neck muscles, and I am still unsure of what it was for. And medications were moved around.

As of this point I am seeing a new Pain specialist. Dr K. I am going to be forward and say her bedside manner sucks. She yells at you for being in pain. Shes very straight forward. She said I carry my stress in my shoulders, but then is upset that I was crying because I was told that my cat, My Lexi, who was older than dirt, passed away while I was in the hospital. I mean damn, I didnt get to say goodbye.  While all this is going on I am being stressed out. Im in horrific pain, I dont know whats wrong with me, but more tests, more ct scans, more xrays.

And then I am discharged. We dont know why. We dont know under whos authority. We just dont know. We did not even have test results back.

So currently I am on Fentanyl Patch 25mcg/hr. Dilaudid 2mg every 6 hours. Flexeril 10mg 3xday. Inderall 60mg daily, Previcid 30mg, Dalmane, Firocet as needed for the migraines. I also have lidocane patches for my chest and neck, but I dont know if that does anything.  Shorter list.

I see the Chiropractor on Mondays and Fridays. I see Physical Therapist on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. I have a stimulation machine at home for my lower back, and I am put in traction for my neck 4 times a week.

What is wrong with me? I still dont know. Something about my C3 and C4 in my neck. Other issues too. Ill pull the paperwork and put it all down here, but I wanted to get this out tonight before I go to bed.

This is where it starts. The pains in the middle of my head, behind my eyes that make me fall to the bed. Hold my head tight, cry tears and want to die. Those pains the meds dont touch, and when I asked what I should do, I was told ” take Extra strenght tylenol.” ROFL… Um ya, because you already have me on what.. the strongest medications in the fucking WORLD???!! Hows about we find out why my head is killing me?/ Wouldnt that be a bright idea?

OK enough.. stress… bed. I am due for meds and bedtime.